I remember the day vividly. It was a Friday because I was in casuals. I made my way to the park near her house to meet her. When I arrived, I sat at the bench. Not long after, I saw my lovely angel. I waited patiently for her to finish her run, just a few more laps she said. She finally finished her run and so, I found myself strolling around the track with her by my side, talking about everything and yet, nothing. That's what couples who are in love do when they are together.
I enjoyed the walk. All I wanted was to see her. I had missed her very badly the whole week. We stopped strolling and found ourselves standing at a railing. I was facing in front while she faced the back. I had my arms around her and she was standing very close to me. I didn't mind her sweat or her stickiness, I never minded such things one bit the whole time I was with her. We just stood there and talked for a while. She was so comfortable that she literally rested her head on my chest. I enjoyed the moment very much, it was just so magical, to be able to embrace the woman you love. I did not want to leave, did not want the day to end. She knows it, can sense my unwillingness to leave, but she had to get back home soon she said....So we walked to my car, reluctantly.
I told you before that I had decided to make you mine when we went to the airport. I was still not sure of your feelings for me then but wanted to try it out anyway. I thought we could have a chance to start a new life together, both of us, by giving support to each other. What I did not tell you so far is how deeply I had fallen in love with you after spending that brief moment that day in the park with you..... After that day, I decided to let my guard down and to love you wholeheartedly, without any reservations. I had felt so comfortable with you that I had decided that I could accept all your faults and learn to adapt to your needs. I never expected you to change for me anyway. After all, I had some experience in setbacks, had grown more patient and understanding towards others and therefore, I know I will never make the same mistakes I had made in the past, with you. I wouldn't give you any reason to want to be angry with me, I was quietly confident of that. I wanted to give you a happy life, to make you happy everyday simply by being there, be understanding and caring towards you, to give you everything you want and most importantly, to be there to embrace you when you need me the most. Yes, I had many grandeur dreams in my head with you. What did I want in return? Nothing more than just to be able to cuddle up with you to watch tv in the evenings, cook our simple meals together, sit side by side while you do your online shopping and I do mine......just a silly simple dream that had been playing in my head over and over again. I told you before, I need not be rich or successful as long as I have you by my side to walk our lives together.
How we ended up like this today, I will never know. I had been the subject of many setbacks in my life and this is the most painful one of all. You cannot expect a man to stop loving you simply because you had decided to stop loving him for whatever reason. I can understand your usage of hostility to try and end things faster. A typical man would have given in, surrender or be plain insulted and get angry with the amount of hostility, vulgarity and disrespect shown towards him overnight. But you keep forgetting that I am not your typical man. And that's the whole problem. The more hostility you display, the harder it is for me to give up. I had spent countless days and nights neglecting food and overthinking of you to this day. I cannot accept the fact that a man you loved just a little more than a month ago is now one of the most hated person in your life. I know I could never lose my love for you overnight like you did, hence my inability to accept what I am experiencing. And the realization that all the while, whilst I was always there and available for you to lean on, you chose to confide in someone else, someone whom I will call Hypocrite for obvious reasons, that was the knockout punch.
I have many unfinished dreams with you, like taking a wefie, spending a day together, going jogging or to the gym, eating steamboat buffet, ice skating, teaching you how to ride a bicycle, shopping, café hopping, fah dai at a cafe, watching tv together, cooking our meals together, taking a vacation, basically just walking life's ups and downs together. But....baby steps......I am still wishing for the day when you will "forgive" me for whatever perceived wrongs I had done to you and accept me back, at least as a friend and unblock me. Yes, baby steps....that's what you taught me and that's what I had learnt from you.
Through this ordeal, I had changed. I know I will never love someone else as deeply and as foolishly as I had allowed myself to do with you ever again. And I know, no matter how you treat me now, that I will still accept you back wholeheartedly as long as you need me, no questions asked, no apology necessary, no explanation needed. That is not foolishness. That is TRUE LOVE.....My heart weeps to this day.....
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